He was still engrossed into the newspaper. I knew, what he would be reading. Or at least what would be the final interpretation of any news item. I have known him closely from my childhood and it took really long time to draw a picture, which can be considered close to reality. I still find him puzzling and not sure if he feels the same for himself.
I have always loved elderly people. I love their company. There is some kind of attraction in elders. It is the same attraction as we feel for children.
I do not find grandpa’s company interesting.
“Where have you been?” he asked to start the conversation, without actually being interested in the answer.
“Went to submit a form for college entrance examination.”
“It must have been very hot out there”
To talk about weather in terms of its extremity and problematic nature is one of his favourite topics. He is always concerned about the climate, whether it is cold or hot. He will always say “Never fight with nature. Better take precautions.”
I could not somehow relate with his views. I always thought that more I fight, more resistant I will become. Though, lately I have stopped revealing my views in front of him. He knows my views and knows that I do not agree with him. Even then there is something inside him (which I have never been able to understand), which makes him say the same lines again and again. And he says them repeatedly in the same style. He expresses his views whenever he gets an audience. I can narrate his complete talk along with him, without missing a word. But he does not like to be reminded that he has already told the same thing before.
“Not much”. I could not find any better words to avoid any discussion on climate. I always try to avoid topics, which I know will result in an argument with him and which will leave both of us with dissatisfaction on each other’s views. Though I am not always successful and for some of these occasions, I accept the blame for accentuating the discussion. I have an urge to speak against what I feel is not right and this urge takes opportunities from grandpa’s words. I sometimes wonder that even a stupid topic like climate can lead us to an argument. But other topics in this category are also equally stupid. Or may be what we talk is stupid. Or may be what we talk for is stupid.
“Sit here” He says so when he has been thinking to talk to me for a few days.
I sat at the corner of the bed. He got up, straightened himself and then got seated against pillow resting on the wall.
“I went to temple today and asked for everybody’s well being” It was start of another topic, which I knew would not end as easily as the previous one.
“I have full faith in God. He will take care of all of us. He is all powerful. Have you not heard about the miracle that happened while the temple was being built?”
I remained silent and it did not matter to him. I tried to remember when was the first time he told this to me and how many times have I heard it.
“What do you do for your morning prayers?”
“Nothing.” I remember telling this to him at different occasions and was wondering if he is asking me again to confirm it or to make me think again or because he actually forgot it.
“You must pray to God everyday. You must remember him, only then he will help you. It is like the commissioner. Only if you keep visiting him, he will remember your face and then will help you in eventuality. You must keep your presence with God”
“I do not need any help.”
“Don’t be arrogant. Everybody needs help and there are so many things which are out of our control and power. There, only God can help you.”
“But I do not want to beg in front of anybody”
“You call it begging? Why? Don’t you ask your father and mother for anything? Is it begging? Why can’t you ask God too?
“What should I ask God for?”
“For wealth, prosperity, peace and education”
“But I have all that already as much as I need.”
“Ask him to keep increasing that.”
“I have ability to increase that.”
“Do not argue with me”
“I am not. I am just telling what I think”
“Don’t try to be too intelligent with me. We have seen this world much better than you and you are trying to tell me that I am wrong. What do you know about the world?”
“I am not trying anything and I don’t think I am intelligent. I have not seen much of world. I am just putting my thought before you. You tell me where I am wrong.”
“You people think that you know everything and dismiss all faiths. But you cannot understand everything. This world is just Maya and there is lot beyond it. You try to reason out everything. Not everything is understood with reason. You need to have faith”
“Faith in what?”
“Faith in God, about his divine power and his ability to transform your life.”
“Does it mean that God helps only those who believe that he is powerful and he leaves others in their pity situation?”
“You have again started arguing.”
“Why do you think I am arguing?”
“Nothing can be done about this generation…..If you do not ask for help, how is he going to help you? And you cannot ask for help if you do not have faith in him.”
“But you told the other day that God is Antaryami and knows everything, even past and future. Why do I need to ask him, if he already knows it? Does he want me to kneel down first and then will grant my wish?”
“So what do you think? He is sitting free to check if you need anything? And you will sit like a stone here and he will come and fulfill all your wishes while you sleep?
“No. I mean to say that if I am working towards a goal and if there is something on which he should help, he need not wait for my plea. He, being the most generous one, can do it even without me asking. And if I do not need help, then I should not go to him for anything. In either case, there is no need to ask for anything.”
“Do you want to understand or you want to teach me lessons on God”
“Ok. Who is this God? How is he so powerful than others? Why would he help me? How he would help me? How would my prayer reach him, while I sit in the temple? If he is there in that stone statute, there are millions of them? Is he in all statues? How can he be in so many statues?”
“You are asking all atheist questions and I will not answer them.”
“Ok. Let us say, I need help. Tell me how by going to temple and making a prayer will help me. I am not able to make sense out of it”
“Why? You put your prayer in front of God and he will see that it is granted. If you do it with full faith, it will be granted. But if you go with all these stupid doubts, you will not be listened.”
“Ok. Let me understand this. I want to get admission to this MBA college. Now, if I ask him for help, will I get?”
“Yes. But with faith and not with your arguments.”
“But let us say I get that help and get admission, will it not be unfair on the other student who deserved the seat and lost it just because I prayed to God. Is God unfair? Or he loves flattery. So whoever comes to him will get the results and others will not, even if they work hard for it?”
“You said go to God as we go to father. But even father will scold me if I ask him for money after he has educated me and made me able to earn. So if God has made us capable of achieving all wealth, education, prosperity and peace, why would he listen to our demands, which we ourselves can fulfill?
“Ok, before you say that I am arguing again, let me ask you this. All these temples and monks say that this world is Maya – illusion. We should concentrate on Dharma and not get involved into worldly things. I assume that this is what God taught and monks are spreading. Now, if God taught us to get detached from worldly things and we go to him and ask for a good job, good wife, profit in business, will he not laugh at us? I guess, he would love if people ask for better ways to know the reality of life and to get rid of illusion. Why would he grant those wishes, which he has taught this world to renounce?”
“Don’t try to be oversmart. We are not saints, we are normal human beings. We need material things for our survival. And we need to move step by step. We cannot be spiritual in a day. If you want to listen to the experienced and elderly, then listen it properly. If you think that you are very smart, then do as you wish.”
“I do not intend to show my smartness, but this may be the way we think about the old teachings, which do not match with reasoning. But why do you get upset with these questions? Why do you think that our attitude is wrong? If I am raising a question or a doubt, you can simply correct me and tell me the right reasoning.”
“This is not the way to speak to elders. You must respect them and the rich knowledge they possess. You should listen to them and follow their advices. This is for your good only.”
“I would love to get any useful knowledge. And I surely respect elders for their rich experience. But does respect mean to follow things blindly, without applying own reasoning and judgement? Does respect means to become a dumb follower? I am here to listen to you and I will do it attentively. But if you will ask me do anything or to follow any advice, I will definitely ask why.”
“If I am raising doubts, which are stupid or baseless, tell me why they are stupid and baseless. But why to ask me to shut up and accept everything you say. If you want me to follow any advice, you also give me good reasoning to support it and resolve my doubts. It is very easy to say ‘Follow whatever I say’. But what I need is your efforts and patience to think about my requirements, my misconceptions and then help me get into the right direction. If you keep getting upset assuming that our attitude is wrong and we are arrogant, how will it help?”
I could feel the uneasiness in my voice and felt that my use of words and sentences needs to tone down. Grandpa now picked up a file from the shelf in an indication to end the discussion. His face had a clear expression, as after every such discussion, saying – “These youngsters think that they have outgrown everybody else. God only knows, how they should be made to understand things. Anyways, life will teach them lessons when time will come.”
He got engrossed into his files. I asked him if he would like to take lunch now. I conveyed the message to mother and came out for a walk. I tried to make sense out of our discussion and gave up immediately. I looked around at houses on both sides of the road and wondered if these also see similar discussions inside. I felt as if the whole city, whole country is echoing with the same arguments, most of them unspoken.
Is there is any better way to reconcile the two thoughts and the two generations?
